Life According to Lubka or How an English Woman Perceives Bulgarians

Life according to Lubka is simple. It is all about the little pleasures of life, which we see all the time but somehow fail to notice. It is about dressing up nicely when you are home alone just to watch a movie. Out of respect for yourself.

Life according to Lubka is about facing all the obstacles in front of you with a smile and positivism. Lubka's husband and child died but she didn't give up her life. She continues to grasp every opportunity and to enjoy it. Life according to Lubka is to be a fighter.

Life according to Lubka is to understand that whatever happens to you is the right thing at the moment. Life according to Lubka is to accept it, deal with it and continue your life in the best possible way.

Life according to Lubka is to do the right thing even if no one is watching you. Life according to Lubka is to believe in God or in some universal power that guides you through. After all, as Lubka asks "If there was no God, why are there stars and sky. It could have been nothing"

Life according to Lubka is to sing. Sing with your heart even if you have a terrible voice. Sing even if you don't know the exact words. Sing in front of other people or alone. Sing to live.

Who is Lubka? Lubka is a 40 something year-old Bulgarian grandma, part of Gorni Grannies - Bulgarian singers that perform typical folklore music. They are on a tour in the USA and the UK under the control of the nervous and cold-hearted PR consultant Buzz Wexler. Having never left their (or should I say my?!) home country the grannies are perplexed by the luxurious hotels, the free staff, the shops, and the foreign culture. The five grannies, which of which more lovingly weird, and their unbelievable vicissitudes are about to change the control-freakish Buzz, who has not cared for anything in her life besides botox, alcohol, drugs, and success. The clash between the Bulgarian quintet and the "American dream" is hilarious -
insane incidents filled with humour, irony, and a lot of wisdom. Kichka, a kleptomaniac, gets kidnapped by mistake. Stanka is constantly surrounded by her grandson, most probably connected to Eastern European mafia, and his bodyguards. Dora cries constantly about her goat and from time to time calls her on the phone. Tsveta meets her daughter in the US, who joins the singing grannies. And finally - Lubka. Lubka is a fighter and a leader. Having lost her husband and child, the Bulgarian singer continues to explore life with a child-like fascination. Her passion for life is about to change the cynical Buzz Wexler. And even help her when the unbelievable happens to Buzz.

If you are looking for a serious book close this review straight away. However, if you want to laugh with five Bulgarian grannies on the verge of civilization, Life according to Lubka is your book. Funny, light, and seemingly unpretentious, the novel offers truths about life, well hidden between humorous situations, scandals, and troubles. Laurie Graham created her heroines with such vivid imagination and satire that they quickly become favorites of the reader.

I have lived for almost three years now in the UK and I still have no definite answer to how the English perceive us, Bulgarians. Some are fascinated with our distinct culture. The Mystery of Bulgarian Voices even had a show in Manchester a few months back. Many want to visit Bulgaria because of the great ski tourism or alternatively for the so called sex tourism on the seaside. Others are politically skeptical about Bulgaria joining the EU. They see us as a poor slowly developing country pushing the EU backwards. Some ask whether we will have electricity on Christmas day due to the gas crisis in Russia. And still there are those who do not even know whether Bulgaria is in Europe or in Asia. All of them are fascinated with the way Bulgarians drink and party, comparing us even to Russians ( I don't know whether to take this as a compliment or as an insult).

Laurie Graham offers another perspective. The perspective of the Bulgarian folklore and the way it teaches you to live. According to Lubka.

George Sand's Beauty and the Beast

Remember the children's fairytale about beauty and the beast: a beautiful lady falls in love with a man despite his terrible and scary appearance and his evil character. With her love, compassion, and understanding, she manages to transform him into a loving and caring individual and as a bonus he turns into a beautiful husband.

There is a reason this plot found itself expressed in a children's fairytale. It is far too naive and simplistic, yet it teaches small kids to be good, compassionate, caring, and understanding. However, when it comes to adult novels, I believe such a moral is rather simplistic, shallow, and naive. That is why, I was highly disappointed by George Sand's novel Mauprat.

In Mauprat Sand portrays a young savage man, Bernard, who grew up without proper education or percepts, under the negative influence of his uncles - evil and cynical outlaws. When he meets his cousin Edmond, he falls deeply in love with her but throughout the novel she keeps rejecting him due to his imperfect nature. However, Bernard views her as the most beautiful, most perfect, and most innocent woman and swears to love no other until he dies. So far so good, although I don't really buy this part either. Sand draws a rather idealistic portrait of Edmond - she is caring, loving, smart, and wise. Edmond uses her love to transform Bernard from an intemperate, violent, and rude individual into a man she could actually fall in love and live with. Despite her strange, inconsistent, and at some points really annoying behavior, Bernard patiently bears everything to reach the expected happy end of the novel.

Amantine Aurore Lucile Dupin was born in the beginning of the 19th century in a noble family. In her time she was a model of modern and emancipated woman: she dressed in male clothes to overcome the strict social restrictions on women and get access to places, forbidden even for her social standing - a baroness; she smoked tobacco in public and she wrote under the pseudonym George Sand. Due to the unorthodox aspects of her life, she had to give up some of her privileges as a baroness. Faithful to her beliefs of the importance of love impulse and desires of the heart and soul over the smothery rules of society, she even divorced her husband in 1846. Sand participated in the revolution of 1948, fascinated by the spread of democratic ideas in France (obvious in her novel as well)

Although I admire Sand's lifestyle and choices, I wasn't impressed or touched by her novel. In Mauprat the author mixes love, philosophy, and sense of family idyll to arrive at yet another romantic story about the power of love to transform and humanize even the most evil individuals. She is highly optimistic and believes in human virtues, the power of proper education, and the saving role of the woman The novel is a light and easy reading and I must admit it is quite interesting. However, I still find it too idealistic and trivial for my taste. I don't believe in human transformation only due to strong and compassionate love. Bernard's idea of Edmond's virtues is exaggerated and we get a portrait of an ideal angel, rather than a true human being with its flaws and defects. In addition, throughout the novel Edmond acts inconsistently, only for the reader to understand at the end that she in fact loved Bernard.

Finally, if I could meet George Sand, I would ask her some important questions: "How can a woman love a man so much and still want to change him completely? Does this mean she doesn't love his present self and she just wants to transform him into someone she can live with and respect? Isn't true love accepting someone for his virtues and flaws altogether?"

Definitely something to think about. Still, if you fancy a light, positive novel about the power of female love, you might as well try out George Sand's Mauprat. I have to warn you, though, do not expect a masterpiece.

@ Amazon: Mauprat

Small Things That Give me Big Pleasure

When I was having one of those terrible days, when everything seems colored in gray tones, my mother gave me a certain book to help me cheer up. It is one of those "self help books" I already mentioned in a previous post. However, Maeve Haran's Froth on the Cappuccino is entirely dedicated to women (I don't ever expect any self-respecting man to read it) and teaches depressed and lonely females to find enjoyment in the small things. 


Personally, I can describe myself more or less as a realist (sometimes even cynical). I am not romantic or optimistic so these kinds of novels simply annoy me. However, although I didn't actually read it (I only skimmed through it), Froth on the Cappuccino inspired me to produce my own list of things that make me smile. I figured, these are the things that make Haran smile. However, I have other aspects of life that make me happy and my personal list will be far more helpful in difficult times. So here it is:

1. Putting everything in order - From my binders, to my books and my room, I like everything to be in order. It gives me the greatest pleasure when all the small things are in their right place. I feel secure, organized, and in control of my life. In addition, I simply love looking at my perfectly organized school binder, music or photo folder, library, or bed. 
2. The first coffee in the morning - Coffee is indeed my favorite drink and I have it not to wake up but because I love the taste, the smell, the appearance. However, the first coffee in the morning is an unexplainable pleasure. I am still half asleep and I feel the warm liquid slowly going down my body and waking up every part of it. 
3. The sun - People who know me very well are aware that I am extremely cold-blooded. That is why, I enjoy the sun and everything about it a lot. I enjoy feeling hot (not just warm, HOT), I love the sun rays on my body, I can't get enough of this feeling of calm and pleasure when outside is sunny and light. 
4. My sunglasses - My favorite accessorize. I never go out without them, I even wear them when there is no need. I have these "kidney" type sunglasses, which are the only ones that fit my face. The other day I broke my last pair and I went straight ahead to buy new ones. I love the feeling of privacy sunglasses give you. You can observe the world around you safely. In addition, sunglasses are a necessary complement to every self-respecting woman. 
5. Reading - Reading makes me not only smile. It helps me forget all the problems around me, escape the present, and dive into a world, where everything I wish is possible. I never ever go out without book (even when I go to the gym I have one). I spent every free minute reading (waiting in line, waiting for a meeting, traveling, even walking). Yes, my new passion is to walk and read. It is an amazing feeling, + the time passes by really quickly and you reach your destination in no time. The downside is that I keep bumping into people and several times I almost got hit by a car/bicycle or another moving object. However, I bravely go on.
6. Sleeping in clean sheets - You know the feeling when you crawl in your brand clean sheets and prepare to fall asleep. They smell like flowers, rain, grass (depending on your fabric softener, or on your mood) and they bring such a great pleasure. I realized I sleep far better when my sheets just came out of the washing machine. 
7. Taking care of myself - I love Sundays, when I intend to dedicate the whole day to myself. I get a long bath, I color my nails, I put on every face mask I have at home, I scrub my body;  I do all those women staff I rarely have time to do during the week. This is my end of the week ritual, which prepares me for the week to come and it is truly amazing because I feel being taken care of. 
8. Seeing the sea for the first time - When I was a little child and I travelled to the seaside with my parents I couldn't wait to see the sea for the first time (after a long and cold climate). Usually, I started screaming and pointing. Even though I am grown up now, this pleasure hasn't change. Every year when I go to the seaside for the first time, I look out the train or bus window, waiting to see the blue waves, the sun, and the sand. I then remember my childhood and all the incredible memories. I also think of all the amazing things that expect me on the seaside this year. Because, let's be honest, the seaside trip is the best time of the year. 
9. Having a gourmet dinner - Being a Taurus, I enjoy a good food. I not only like a well prepared meal but I enjoy it even more when it is nicely positioned and decorated in the plate. It is just a state of art to make a dish that is not only delicious, but looks delicious. I love eating out, whether it is on a special occasion or just catching up with a friend. You get to be served and taken care of. You enjoy a freshly prepared meal of your choice, you chat to your companion and you drink a glass of good wine. And of course, you don't get to clean up and do the dishes afterwards. Pleasure!. 
10. Coming home - As I study in the UK, half of the year I am away from home. Although now my parents do not welcome me as passionately as during the first year (well I come and go every three months so it is not really anything that new and exciting) I still get that amazing feeling when I give my ID at the airport and wait for my luggage. My mother always waits for me, she has prepared a delicious dinner, she has cleaned my room and I am free to rest at home without having any obligations. 

After all, even the most shallow book can turn out to be quite useful. I already felt better just by writing this list. I know there are even more things that bring me pleasure on particularly low days and I will keep the list updated. I hope I inspired you to produce a list of your own. Trust me, you will feel much better. As trivial as it sounds, these little things indeed help when the big things seem to go all wrong. 


@ Amazon: Froth on the Cappuccino: How Small Pleasures Can Save Your Life

The Power of the Self Help Book

Inevitably we fall. And when we do, we explore different ways of dealing with it. Some of us require help from friends, family, and lovers; others rely on themselves and solve the issue in isolation; and yet a third part just ignores the problem and waits for it to pass by.

Sadly, contemporary society views professional help as a sign of weakness, a potential source of embarrassment and pity. People who do ask for specialist help usually keep it a secret, fearful of social resentment and disapproval. And people who do not ask for it condemn those who do as incapable of dealing with life. This is just wrong logic. We were born alone and we die alone but we are not expected to live our life alone. And when we do encounter a difficulty, asking for professional help is the highest level of self help (YES SELF HELP) because we are mature enough to realize that by acknowledging the need of a specialist opinion, we take the biggest step in helping ourselves. 

When faced with relationship issues I usually attempt to solve them by myself or share and ask advice from friends. Last week, however, my flatmate offered me an opportunity I hadn't consider before - a self help book. As much as I believe in professional help, self-help books have always seemed to me rather ineffective and shallow. I didn't believe that a general approach to problems can be helpful when all cases are specific and unique. However, as I was totally hopeless and clueless, I decided to give it a try. After all, I could only lose several days. And potentially I could gain something. 

Indeed I did! John Gray is a bestselling author, lecturer, and relationships counsellor. His book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus teaches people how to deal with their significant other, when everything seems hopeless. The main point Gray draws is obvious from the title - men and women are from different planets. The author argues that relationship struggles are caused mainly by lack of understanding of our differences. One of the examples relates to men and women's diverse emotional needs. While Martians (that's how he refers to males in the book) seek trust, acceptance, and appreciation, Venusians (women, I mean) need caring, understanding, and devotion. The conflict arises because both parties tend to give what they want in a relationship and not what the other person needs. The result are huge misunderstandings, fights, and alienation. Gray points out, that by remembering men and women actually speak different languages, we can sort out any issue threatening to ruin our relationship. 

You might be still skeptical. Trust me, I was too. While reading I had several thoughts popping up all the time: 1. Where is the line between accepting and working on our difference and losing our true self in the  process?; 2. Wouldn't it seem insincere and offensive to our partner if we changed our behavior over a night?; How do we draw a line between understanding our partner and still keeping self respect? 4. What if we simply cannot work it out? 5. What happens if our partner doesn't notice or validate our efforts? 

Luckily, Gray gives answers to all of those questions. More importantly, he gives convincing and logical answers. No, we do not have to give up or female (male) self; We simply need to learn to be more acceptable of our different expectations and reactions. No, it is not insincere and offensive; on the contrary, it shows devotion and desire to work in the name of love. The line will appear when both parties learn to respect each other, to value each other's opinions, and to understand each other's differences. If we are consistent and hard working and if we really love each other, we WILL work it out. Yes, our partner will notice and validate our efforts but it doesn't happen over a night; it needs time, practice, and devotion. 

I was impressed by the book and its approaches. The most amazing thing about it was that it said things I already knew but never really thought about. When put black on white in a logical order I started realizing the mistakes I made in my relationship, as well as the mistakes my boyfriend made. I figured out the source of most of our quarrels and I learnt ways to decrease them. 

I am willing to apply consistently Gray's advice. I am not sure whether the results will be positive, but as a theoretical approach the book is a catch. Gray indeed gives a lot of examples of people having transformed their relationships quickly thanks to his approach. However, I am the "live it, learn it" type of person. I need to see it by myself to truly believe it. So now I am in the middle. I liked the theoretical part. I will keep you updated whether I succeeded on practice. 

Before the fashion, the Cosmopolitans, and Mr. Big

Reading my blog you might have already figured out I mostly enjoy serious and philosophical books, books that shake you to the core, change your perspective and make you questions everything you have ever believed or society has made you believe. From time to time, however, I enjoy something light and easy, which doesn't require a lot of thinking or analyzing. Sometimes I prefer books, which are great just for the sake of reading and which leave you with a satisfaction, a positive attitude, and a smile.

Candace Bushnell's The Carrie Diaries is one of those books. I know, I know, I started it just 4 days ago and even though I have exams, I managed to finish it very quickly. The reason is quite simple - the novel just reads itself. Bushnell's style is simple, yet amusing and light and once you start, you can't really feel the pages turning and turning. You just get completely sunk into the story of Carrie and her high school drama.

If you hate stories about high school boyfriends, friendships, betrayals, peer pressure, and cliques, you better stop right now. However, if you have enjoyed Sex and the City and if you are curious to learn more about Carrie before her fabulous New York lifestyle, you better check out this book. I have to warn you, there will be no fashion, no Cosmopolitans, and no rude and brutal sex talk the way we know it from the TV series. After all, Carrie is still 17 and we follow her ambition to become a recognized writer and to leave the little country town she lives in.

One might quickly judge the novel as superficial, simple, and naive. However, one of my mottos is that you can find a moral in every story and Bushnell gives us this moral straight forward: follow your dreams and never give up. Sounds trivial and simple but remember how many times you forgot that simple formula while being sunk into everyday problems, lies, and betrayals. Carrie, on the other hand, manages to overcome the typical high school drama, the boyfriends, the cheating, the jealousy and the peer pressure for sex. She consistently follows her dream to become a writer and finally ends up in New York with no money, no plan but with one very important thing - Samantha Jones's phone number.

I enjoyed the book as it was a great distraction from the boring and difficult exam reading. I can't wait to see the movie as well. After all, a girl always needs a little something to make her feel better... In my case   The Carrie Diaries were the fresh air I needed after hours of library time. I hope you will feel the same way.

A light reading for heavy nights

Searching for something light, enjoyable, and optimistic to read I followed a friend's advice and spent two splendid weeks with Lesley Lokko's Bitter Chocolate. This optimistic novel tells the story of three girls from different backgrounds in their quest for love, marriage, and happiness. Laure leaves for America, where she has to cope with being 17, alone, and without any money. Ameline, neither a servant nor a sister at Laure's family, has no knowledge of her roots or future but she finds happiness in an unexpected place. Melanie is the spoiled daughter of a rock star, who has everything money can buy, but happiness and love.

The book whirls around the destinies of the three girls as they pass through maturity and face lies, betrayals, and death to finally find a place to be themselves. The novel is very optimistic and positive, easy to read and understand, and with no claims to be a masterpiece. If you are looking for a book to raise up your spirit, to motivate you, or simply to make you smile and dream, then I definitely recommend Bitter Chocolate. Not a waste of time, surely.